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Monday, 22 August 2016

Lonelier than Alone


It's too sad to say I feel invisible. It's more accurate to say I feel completely visible but entirely ignored. I rarely tell people about the depths of my loneliness, about feeling more and more detached from everyone each day, and not knowing how to stop it. 

Lately, I have become totally fed up with trying. Trying so hard to socialise myself with people I still have around me, but I feel like everyone is only 'half there' or doesn't want to be 'there' at all. It hurts me a lot. Feeling like the people I love the most don't love me at all. A feeling so deep in my chest, creating a darker hole each day, falling apart.

I am honestly not sure how to fight this one, this feeling of not being good enough for the people who surround me. I can feel my soul reaching out, but nobody is holding my hand. It's upsetting but I'm desperate for socialisation, desperate for companionship and desperate for friends.

The difference between loneliness and being alone is a huge leap. Alone being physical and loneliness being inward. I get over excited for things which were normal to me. Meeting up with friends and family used to be daily. Now I'm lucky if it's weekly or if it happens at all. I feel desperate but I also feel a nuisance.

I just don't want to feel like this at all

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1 comment

  1. I used to have the same problem. The worst thing that later I became absent myself. And it stays like this until this day and I hate myself for it...

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